


One day at a time

by Windztone



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Killua Needs a Hug, Killua deserves so much love, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Parental Kurapika (Hunter X Hunter), Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:35:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29545248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windztone/pseuds/Windztone
Summary: Killua is still healing from the trauma and abuse his family put him through, but he doesn't have to go through it alone.···Or Kurapika being the best parental figure Killua has ever had
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika & Killua Zoldyck, Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 14
Kudos: 104





	One day at a time

Living with Killua wasn't easy, but not in the way you would think.

He was always trying his best to be helpful. He liked to cook alongside the adults, fascinated and eager to learn new recipes and super attentive when one of the men showed him secret cooking trick. He would also spend some calm afternoons with Kurapika in his garden, helping water or tending the plants. He was also pretty neat (compared to Gon that isn't too hard) and would always offer a hand when he saw Leorio or Kurapika clean.

At first the Kurta thought it might have been because of the trauma that he had a fear of disappointing the couple, but with time he had realised that Killua did it so he could spend more time with them. The kid would never admit it but he felt at ease when Leorio babbled non stop while he cooked. It was comforting, he didn't feel alone. Or when Kurapika would tell him facts about his plants while he helped with the garden. He found it enjoyable; the blonds voice was always soothing to him and he loved watching the delicate way the Kurta handled his plants.

Something that his family had never done with him.

But, living with Killua wasn't easy when he had bad days.

He had only told Gon (and not even fully) what his family had done to him, the amount of abuse and torture he had overcome. Its not that Killua didn't trust him, but he couldn't bring himself to think about it and even less to say it out loud. He had spent almost 6 months trying to forget every last thing about his family, but they it just seemed to crawl back up when he less expected it. Nightmares was the obvious part, but he would get frustrated when he flinched every time Leorio would raise his hand too quickly, he hated how every time he got into trouble his body would start shaking, waiting for his punishment (that never came).

It was all so frustrating for Killua because he was trying so hard to suppress the memories, and the people around him were so gentle and nice, he knew they would never hurt him.

Yet there was a part of his mind that was still terrified. Terrified that it was all too good to be true and it was all just a sick prank or a dream. He was scared that he would wake up in the Zoldyk Estate and would have to train and become an assassin once again.

He was also terrified that the people around him would finally snap. There would come a day where Leorio would finally hit him for not understanding and messing up a recipe. Gon would realise how bad of a friend he is, and Kurapika would yell at him and remind him that he was only good at doing one thing: Killing

He was incapable of having friends

Thats when the bad days came.

Killua knew it was a bad day because he would wake up and he immediately felt off, numb. It was as if his mind was only a white noise and he couldn't turn it off. Those days Gon wouldn't leave his side. They would sit in front of the tv the whole day, extremely close to each other. Sometimes Kurapika would check on him and asked if he needed something, and Leorio would give them hot chocolate and ice cream. It made the day more bearable

But sometimes bad days were different.

Sometimes bad days for Killua meant he didn't want anyone near him. His feelings were so overwhelming he felt like fucking shouting at everyone, and sometimes thats what he would do. Of course after doing such thing he would feel immensely guilty when he saw Gons face of pure sadness, so that only led to one option: he would leave the house and not come back until the next morning. Sure, it sounded a bit drastic but Killua couldn't deal with the emotions. He hated it, it was too much.

So being alone was the only option.

At least until his thoughts seemed to calm down.

Talking about alone, tonight, Killua slept alone.

Gon was visiting Whale Island because it was aunt Mitos birthday this week and he wanted to celebrate it with her as they didn't have any missions or really anywhere to be. He had left with Leorio because even though all of them knew Gon was capable of looking after himself, it wasn't necessary. At the end of the day, he was only 12.

It felt a little lonely without his friends. Even though Killua would never admit it.

Its just... he missed them.

Even though the kids had bunk beds, Gon had a habit of climbing down every night and sneak into Killua's bed.

At first he had done it because it was easier to talk to him, or because they were going to play Mario Bros on their Ds. But later on, Gon realised how easily his friend fell asleep if they were together, so he never stoped.

He would also talk about his adventures on the Island, explaining every detail extremely enthusiastically, and Killua would listened attentively, at aw with the boys stories.

Gon could immediately tell when the white haired boy was starting to get sleepy and in result he would lower a little his voice and continue to talk until his breathing had completely evened out.

So tonight it had taken Killua a little more time to fall asleep.

The stories Gon would tell him would help him from letting his mind wonder off, so now that it was just him and his thoughts he couldn't help but think

Was he really safe here?

What would happen if his family came to find him?

Could he protect them?

If they died because of him he could never forgive himself

Are they going to ask him to leave?

Do they even want him here?

"Okay, stop it Killua" He murmured to himself

He was working himself into a frenzy. Killua shut his eyes tightly and hugged Socks (Who was a purple cat plushie they had given him for Christmas and had let Gon pick the name) closer to his body.

He felt ridiculous. He had killed grown men with a smile on his face, he had been tortured and didn't even flinch, kidnapped and wasn't even sacred.

And here he was, hugging his stuffed animal, desperately seeking comfort

"How pathetic" he heard his mothers voice on his head

He quickly shook those thoughts way and hugged Socks even closer, slowly letting sleep win the battle.

\---

Kurapika was very alert tonight. Normally if Killua had a nightmare they depended on Gon to help calm down the kid, not because the adults didn't want to, but because Killua seemed to be terrified of them after a nightmare.

So they just left them alone and avoided all sorts of contact.

And that was fine by him, overcoming trauma took time and a whole lot of patience. The last thing the blond wanted to do was to pressure Killua into something he wasn't ready for.

But still, tonights he had kept his bedroom door open and the bathroom light on, just for precaution, and drifted off to sleep.

At 3.47am, Kurapika was woken up by a scream

Killua

Not even two seconds later he ran to the kids bedroom and knocked on the door.

"Killua? Are you okay?" He asked as gently as possible, even though he was panicking

There was no response, but he could hear his troubled breathing from the other side of the door.

"Its me, Kurapika. Im not here to hurt you" He reminded

"Bullshit! Go away!" Killua yelled as his voice cracked and he let out a pained sob

The blond felt a pang too his chest when he heard the boy cry

"I'll go away, I just need to know if you're okay" He tried again

Killua cried even harder, painfully trying to get his breathing back to normal

"Honey, you're having a panic attack, let me help you. I won't touch you or get near you" Kurapika tried again

"H-help me" He chocked out and that was enough for the blond to come in.

he opened the door of the kids room but he couldn't distinguish anything in the dark. His eyes scanned over the room until he spotted a figure, shaking against the wall.

Kurapika walked a little bit to get a better look at the kid. He quickly sat down as he continued to cry. His knees were brought up and he had one hand wrapped around himself and the other clutching tightly his shirt.

"Make it stop-" He gasped for air "Make it stop! Please" Killua pleaded

"Listen to me. Listen to my voice" 

He was fucking trying. But the incredible pain in his chest, the pounding of his heart in his ear, the spinning of the room and his failed attempt of breathing were not helping.

"Tell me, can you hear me Killua?" 

The kid nodded weakly

"Good job, now I want you to inhale as best as you can okay?" He said nothing but Kurapika knew he was listening "Inhale...now hold it" He stopped two seconds "now exhale, thats it"

Killua was shaking his head softy, wanting the blond to understand what he was trying to say saying "Yes you can, you just did it and now you are gonna do it again. Inhale.... Hold it.... Exhale..."

He tried to copy it as best as possible but felt no improvement. As if Kurapika had read his mind he said "You're getting better, just continue. Inhale... Hold it... Exhale"

"Inhale... Hold it... Exhale" he repeated "that's it, well done, keep going"

"Inhale... Hold it... Exhale" This time he managed to get more air in "That's it sweetheart"

He repeated it numerous amounts of times, until he could finally breathe. 

Killua slumped against the wall, still shaking, and hid his face in his knees.

After a few minutes he could tell the kid had calmed down, but there was something bothering him. 

Kurapika stood up and Killua quickly looked up. 

The blond saw terror in his eyes

"Killua, lets get you into be-" When Kurapika extended his arm the kid flinched backwards

Fuck

"No, Killua honey I wasn't going to-" Kurapika panicked but the white haired boy cut him off

"Pika..." He hiccuped "Please... don't hurt me... not you" He whined, clearly still in distress

The blond retrieved his hand.

Okay, not yet

"Listen to me, I will never in my life hurt you. Never. Even if I'm mad at you, even if you do something unthinkably bad"

"'S not true" He mumbled childishly

"It is. I swear on my life. But it's okay that you don't trust me yet, I get it. It's scary right?"

Killua stayed still for a few seconds and then nodded

"And that's perfectly fine. What you have been through is scary and its gonna leave a mark. But I know you can get through it"

"But I know you guys would never hurt me and im still scared! And im trying really hard... They hurt me so bad I don't think I will ever have a normal life" Killua hiccuped 

"You're wrong. You've made huge progress in less than a year. We are gonna get through it sweetheart, together. Each day at a time"

After some silence, Kurapika sat down on the little couch the kids had in their room. Killua would come to him when he was ready.

"My mom..." He fidgeted with his hands, unsure on where to start

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to" The blond reminded him

Killua nodded, he wanted to tell Kurapika why he was so scared of him

"She- she used to make me sleep outside in the forest whenever I had a nightmare. Mother said good assassins shouldn't be afraid of anything. And I n-never wanted you guys near me when... this happened because if I cried over my nightmare my mom would- she would... punish me extra hard. Im sorry"

"There is nothing to apologise for. Its okay sweetheart, we understand it must have been very hard for you. Neither Leorio or I are mad at you"

"But I neve-"

"No buts. What your mother did to you was mean and she was wrong. She should have never done those things to you"

Killua nodded and stayed silent for a little bit more. He hesitated if he should speak again.

But he really needed a hug. 

"Can I come closer honey?" He spoke gently, the kid wondered if Kurapika could read his mind

He hesitated a little but and then nodded

Kurapika grabbed the kids face softly with his hands and with his thumb he wiped the tears that rested on his face.

"It will take time, but you will learn that touch can be nice and gentle" Kurapika whispered

He stroked his cheeks and smiled as he felt the kid lean into his hands

"And at times it will seem scary, but we are gonna do this together. You are not alone. We've got you Killua" And with that, the kid snapped his eyes open

"C-can I have a hug? Please" He whispered

"Of course you can, darling" 

Kurapika extended his arms, inviting the kid. Killua walked a little into the hug. On second thought Kurapika kneeled down and grabbed a blanket from his bed and wrapped it around the kid, sat down, and then he guided him into his lap and hugged him.

"Poor thing, you must be exhausted" The blond whispered, rubbing soothing circles in his back "You've been brave for such a long time Killua, but you can let go now. Let us take care of you"

Killua nuzzled closer to the blond, feeling himself relax

"Don't tell Leorio or Gon, but you give the best hugs" He confessed, giggling a little bit

Kurapika smirked as he combed his fingers through the white hair

"I won't, don't worry. But it is an honour to know it" 

The blond continued to rub his back, knowing it wouldn't take much for the kid to fall asleep. Especially not after his panic attack. He thought he was almost gone when he suddenly spoke again.

"Socks?" He croaked sleepily

Kurapika blinked

Socks? What did that eve-

Oh right, the plushie

He looked around and spotted the purple cat in a corner of the bed. He stretched a bit to grab it and handed it to Killua, who quickly wrapped it with his blanket.

"Go to sleep sweetheart. I'll keep you safe, okay?" Kurapika reassured the kid in his lap, who looked way younger than he ever did

"Thanks" Killua muttered as he let himself be rocked to sleep

After a few minutes he felt the kid go completely lump against him. He gently placed a kiss on his forehead. Kurapika looked at the sleeping kid in his arms, he had a small smile plastered on his face

"No one will hurt you anymore, Killua" Kurapika promised as he continued to rock him, until he felt himself drifting off too.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked it!!!! Especially @hope_8 :)))
> 
> If you guys have more request please feel free to send them!!!!!!!


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